Relationships are hard, especially in the beginning.
You meet someone you think you like, and at first you’re hopeful.
But it doesn’t take long for things to turn sideways.
In fact, one researcher at Stanford found that more than60 percent of relationshipsdon’t survive the first year.
She names emotional instability as a feature that quickly turns many people off.
Such dramatic displays can feel controlling and push people away," she explained.
Lacking boundaries
We’ve all met a person who seems to have no respect for personal space.
It’s an annoying feature, right?
Psychologist and psychoanalystSusan Kolod, Ph.D, says this a feature that many people don’t find attractive.
Do you find people tend to take a few steps back from you during conversations?
This may something you’re doing without even knowing it.
“This ‘cluelessness’ does not bridge any emotional connections between people.”
“Talking only about yourself and not asking your date any questions is a huge turn off.
This is something my dating clients complain about often when sharing bad dates.
Being too accomodating
It seems like being accommodating would be a good feature, right?
It’s one of the biggest benefits of being a woman, if you ask me.
But your man needs to know that his opinion counts, too.
Because being left out is definitely a turn off.
But a lack of direction can also be detrimental to possible relationships.
Will our rhythms be in sync?
Will our goals carry us in a compatible direction?
Relationship partners who have empathy are more compassionate and accepting when things go awry.
Empathetic partners are more likely to forgive, move on and let go of past hurts” she explained.
They make for more difficult relationship partners and demonstrate less emotional maturity as well."
Being too clingy
Hey, we get it.
You’re in a new relationship and you want to be around that personall the time.
It’s a natural part of the “honeymoon phase” we hear so much about.
Marsden, assistant professor of human services and psychology atBeacon College.
“Overly clingy and dependent people can end up pushing a more mentally and securely attached individual away.”
She warns that clingy behavior includes constantly asking questions like, “What’s wrong?”
and “Are you mad?”
Dr. Renee Carr agrees that clinginess often causes problems early on in a relationship.
“Although most men like to be needed, being needy is completely different and a turn off.
“It is important to recognize the cause of one’s needy behavior.
This can be best accomplished with family or individual therapy,” Marsden added.
Instead of making you look superior, most people just perceive it as pettiness.
That’s a definite turn off.
“We live in a rapid-paced society where many people seem to be in a hurry.
Clinical Psychologist Amanda Mulfinger gives us an easy way to move past this habit.
“The easiest way to do this is to practice with your friends and family.
Narcissism
There are few things less appealing than a person who thinks they can do no wrong.
Take the advice of licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. James Huber and don’t be that person.
“Being present and attentive is the easiest, most sure-fire way for people to find you attractive.
Learn to listen, make eye-contact, and ask questions!
“A lack of responsiveness turns people off.
I am talking about emotional responsiveness.
This is what builds a bond and connection, especially a romantic one,” she said.
“When you reach for someone, you should feel that he or she is there for you.
Without responsiveness, people start to feel alone in a relationship.
That eventually leads to one or the other wanting to end the relationship or check out emotionally.”
explained Dr. Renee Carr.
“One feature that turns partners off is when they feel unappreciated by their loved one.
It doesn’t take much to be appreciative, but it can go a long way.
Licensed marriage and family therapist James Huber says it’s a quick way to lose someone’s interest.
“Everyone has stress and needs to complain occasionally.
But constantly using words, tone and body language to convey ‘woe is me!’
can generate space from others, not sympathy,” he explained.
Still, ladies with RBF, this one is for you.
She explains that not smiling even if it’s not intentional makes you intimidating and unapproachable.
“So if you want to be more likable, learn to smile more and to laugh at yourself.
Both reduce tension and make others feel more comfortable around you,” she advised.
Being self-conscious
This one is a hard nut to crack.
Their advice is simple, “Be who you are completely!
Own your qualities, own your beliefs and share honestly.
You won’t want to be with a person that doesn’t really know who you are anyway.
And you’ll be able to attract the person that is in complete alignment with your authentic self. "
