Let’s face it parenting is hard.
Luckily, most of them can be fixed with time and attention.
I went to the experts to find out which parenting mistakes are the most important to avoid.
Failing to discipline your child
Sometimes you’re just not in the mood to discipline your child.
Fern Weis, parent-teen relationship coach told me, “Parents want some peace and harmony.
Fearing their relentless child, they back off.”
You may be temporarily relieved, but this will backfire in the long run.
These children do not learn to self-regulate."
In the short-term children may submit and it is easier for the parent.
However the child is not learning to make decisions for themselves."
Harvey continued, “Nor are they building a sense of learning to trust.
Aricia Shaffer, former therapist and parenting coach, agreed.
She told me, “The first mistake is believing you have control over your kids.
When you fight it, you get frustrated parents and out of control behavior from kids.”
This room is a mess.
it’s crucial that you pick up your toys before dinnertime.
It’s time to stop playing and get your homework done.
This is far more specific; the child knows what he can do to correct the situation.
You’re a kind person.
You’re so persistent.
When you put your mind to it, you might figure anything out.
These are traits youwantyour child to perceive as an inherent part of himself.”
Whitney told me, “When kids ask something about sex, say, ‘What does sex mean?’
or ‘How did the baby get in there?’
parents may panic and avoid the question.
That gets you off the hook for the moment, but it has unhelpful fallout.”
When this happens, Whitney told me, “Your child doesn’t get the information she needs.
More important, she learns that she can’t turn to you when she has those sorts of questions.
She’ll seek information from peers and the internet and you know how unreliable those can be.
Even worse, she may come to feel that there’s something wrong withherfor even asking.
That creates shame around sexuality that can last her whole life.”
Children are capable of hearing the basics about anatomy and reproduction even at an early age.
They’re just facts about the world, like everything else kids are trying to take in.
Inconsistency teaches them that their parents' words are essentially meaningless."
Consistency with boundaries is also paramount.
Weis continued, “The same is true for boundaries that are set, but not enforced.
Let’s use laundry as an example.
I will only wash clothing that is in the hamper.
If it’s on the floor, I will assume it’s clean and leave it there.
If not, don’t make this an issue.
Set a boundary for something on which you’re free to follow through.”
Weis told me it’s essential to listen with an open mind.
She told me in our interview, “Creating a trusting relationship begins with truly listening to your child.
The relationship is the basis for cooperation, respect, problem-solving and responsibility.
If they are crying and upset, frustrated or angry they aren’t trying to make your life harder.
Shaffer suggested you think about how you would feel if you were in your child’s position.
Would you want them to bribe you with ice cream or a candy bar?
Take your time.'?”
Harvey told me, “In this country we have mistakenly equated punishment with discipline.
It is about choosing the right behavior because it is right.
Harvey said, “In the short-term, it causes fear and uncertainty in children.
This holds true even for very young children.
They interact with the world based on what they see.
In the short-term, children will use what they see to figure out and interpret how the world works.
What should you do to be a good parent?
If not, it’s time to rethink your approach.
Give your child what he needs, not what feels easier or makes you feel better.
Always keep the vision in mind.”
Whitney suggested, “Name feelings your child’s, and your own.
Kids learn emotional self-regulation from having it modeled for them and developing language that helps them understand their experiences.
Wondering what that looks like in real life?
