As we all know, it’s not an easy decision to get right.
All of this is what makes the Lifetime show"Married at First Sight"so fascinating.
You are a relationship expert, so what attracted you to the concept for the show?
What was attractive to me was the fact that the focus of the show is on creating permanent marriages.
That’s always been an attraction.
We had a very open discussion about it.
I asked him, “How do you feel about marriage?”
I give him so much credit because he says, “I really believe in marriage.”
I said, “Great, then let’s do it.
You’ve been involved with “Married at First Sight” for several seasons now.
Have you learned anything new about relationship dynamics from your time on the show?
Oh gosh, yes.
I’ve learned that people …
It’s taught me a lot about what marriage actually takes to survive.
They’re augmented, but still, it’s pretty much the same.
What kills a marriage is the absolute opposite being stuck in time.
I often hear couples say, or individuals say, “You’ve changed.
You’re not the person I married.”
I often respond, “Well, duh of course [they’re] not the person you married.
No one is the same person they were when [they] were married.”
That shouldn’t be the goal.
Behavioral scientists talk about the observer’s paradox, where the act of observing a behavior changes it.
That’s an interesting question.
I believe that the filming actually causes some stress.
Absolutely, it affects how people react.
We attempt to caution people.
But the documentation of the process is the reason for its success.
The filming does affect [it].
When people are looking at your marriage, yes it does affect how you respond to your spouse.
On the show, I’m more of an advisor.
We’re not in a therapeutic setting, per se, but we’re advising.
Here, it’s definitely more of an advisory role and a coaching role.
How do you think the show and the couples have evolved over the past 16 seasons of the show?
They’ve evolved incredibly because we’ve evolved.
As a production team and as experts, we’ve evolved.
We’ve learned so much about what makes a good marriage in this particular setting.
Coming from counseling and coaching traditional marriages to this, the learning curve can be somewhat steep.
Going forward, you’re even about to see even more changes than you have up to this point.
It’s like they say everything that’s on their mind and everything that’s on their heart.
We have learned that it’s important for them not to do that.
Don’t give a shot to fall in love initially take your time and let it grow.
You’re just saying things.
It’s hard to recover from that.
In this particular environment, you cannot.
You have to be careful of your words.
You have to be careful of your actions, and you have to be patient.
Those are some of the things that we’ve garnered over the last 16 seasons.
This is going to be an incredibly exciting season because Nashville is an awesome city.
It’s going to be really exciting.
Marriage ain’t for punks, as I say.
In fact, we’ve actually …
Even personally, I’ve been inspired by the couples and their quests to find love.
I’ve been inspired to even start my own app to help other people find love.
It’s called Marriage Ain’t for Punks.
You’re going to see some excitement some definite, serious excitement because Nashville is such an exciting city.
“Married at First Sight” premieres January 4 at 8:00 p.m. on Lifetime.
Catch Pastor Cal and Dr. Pepper Schwartz on their new digital series “Relationship Rewind.”
This interview has been edited for clarity.
