When you become a parent, you join an exclusive group of people who just “get it.”
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.
It’s enough to make your head spin.
On the other hand, the love you have for your kids makes it all worth it.
Here are a few of the things you better have kids to fully understand.
No matter what you read in books or hear from friends, there is nothing one-size-fits-all about parenting.
You feel like you’re making it up as you go."
You’re not a bad parent because your kid messes up
Kids make mistakes.
The reality is that everything changes when you have children.
The stakes are high."
Your job is to see how you caninfluenceyour child and where you haveleverage."
Unfortunately, it’s all too easy for people to judge parents without understanding the full picture.
Weis added, “It’s tough enough that parents are hard on themselves.
The parent-instinct often overrides logic and that can be a good thing.
Sometimes our instincts keep our kids safe.
But it may not make sense to non-parents.”
She shared, “One of my clients had been doing some career coaching with me.
While everything was falling into place, something was nagging at him and telling him not to move.”
Despite how great this job was, Shaffer said, “He wound up passing on the job.
His instincts were right on.”
Shaffer shared advice for non-parents.
Shaffer told me, “With nearly every other career choice, you have down time.
It can be a time of spectacular growth, but it can also be a trial by fire.
But you wouldn’t give up this tough job for anything.
There is nothing more gratifying to parents than to get their child through a difficult time.”
No matter how much your exhaustion is worth it, it does take a toll.
Shaffer told me, “As kids get older, parents are often ‘on call.’
You’re waiting for the next time you’re needed.
Old careers, hobbies, and friends may no longer be a fit.
This time can feel like a crisis with a lot of regrets.”
Parenting can be a very absorbing career and can last for decades.
It’s a huge investment and the pay-offs aren’t always obvious.
Helping friends see the differences they have made in their family or their community is a gift."
Whitney added that this lack of control will force you to have some humility.
She said, “Parenting is so humbling.
Wise parents learn to work with their kids' style rather than fighting against it.
You make the rules, but how they get implemented is sometimes a negotiation.
And sometimes things just don’t go the way you want.”
Tantrums happen even to good parents
Has your kid ever thrown a tantrum in public?
It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong.
Whitney told me that tantrums aren’t always a bad sign.
She said, “Pitching a fit in the grocery store is a normal part of testing limits.
Kids are trying to learn about the world and how much they can control.
They learn that crying often gets our attention… so maybe crying louder would work even better?
If I yell loud enough and embarrass Mommy enough, can I have the candy bar?”
If tantrums result in rewards, they keep happening.
For parents, she suggested, “you might validate the feelings, but don’t cave.
That may be difficult for people without kids to understand.
“One thing people without children don’t tend to understand is how busy parents are.
He’s also experienced this in his own life as a parent.
Matthews continued, “It was so frustrating for us because we were already struggling!
I think they get it now.”
When you have kids, work/life balance becomes a much greater struggle as well.
This can cause tension at work, where people without kids won’t understand why you’re so frazzled.
